Thursday, November 4, 2010
Why do i feel lonely?
Just this evening, i just post something on my facebook account saying something like this: "its only I, me and myself. Sometimes i wank to talk and tell a story but its better if someone listen. Why am i feeling lonely right now?". I dont know why i am posting unusual and nonsense shoutouts like this but it only shows that somethings wrong with me. The whole day, the only thing i did is to check and pre-audit cpr's (check payment request), nothing is quite tiring about it but i really feel bad right now. I try to txt others this morning greeting them good morning, some replied with the same message. There is something with that message and it is not simply to greet them "good morning" but in it is a longing for someone who i can talk to, not because i have a problem or i have troubles but i do want to talk, tell a story of the things that is happening, about topics that i am interested like christian music, composition and others. With my shoutout in facebook, one of my high school friend commented that HE (GOD) is listening, and i do know about it but eventhough i know that truth.. I'm still not contented, im asking the Lord why i am feeling lonely right now? I know the truth that YAWHEH is always with me, HE will never leave me, always guiding and protect me. I do feel that HE is with me, from the morning i woke up, im very grateful for HE give me another life, energy and strenght to live and a new day to start it right and feel HIS presence. I am grateful, yes indeed i am but as i go home this evening.. The mood had change just like a weather changes from a sunny to a dark and rainy day. Then i try to go to my bed, get my ipod and listen with some christian music just to uplift my mood but still i feel, somethings wrong with me. After a few song, while i am writing this blog entry i try to think and try to analyze why im feeling like this. Maybe others will say that i am just feeling lonely coz i dont have a romantic relationship right now. Maybe, it could be a reason only if i choose to be burdensome by wrong and immature thinking, coz i dont need a romantic relationship or to have a girlfriend just to make myself contented.. Only the Lord Jesus could satisfy all the emptiness in my life. And as i go back to the main question, i realized that if something is wrong with me, it my be my relationship.. Not just with people around me.. (my officemate, family and friends), but the relationship with the LORD, the saviour and redeemer of my soul. I do want to have a intimate and passionate relationship with the LORD but as i brought back and tries to see what happened for the past few days, i had forgot to do one thing why i feel lonely right now. I became busy with my devotion and bible reading but i forgot to give quality time with HIM. I dont even have a quality hours or minutes by which i spent it in prayer and talking to HIM. The reason i feel lonely is because i only spent a spare time for the LORD, I'd become busy in my work, i usually spent lots of my energy with things that is not very important and as a result, i dont enjoy the time that i have for the Lord. Forgive me oh Lord, i repent for i dont spent majority of myself to be with you and YOUR presence. Renew my heart and filled it with the passion that longs to be with YOUR presence always. Let me feel that YOU are by my side and be my strenght, joy and fulfillment in my life. May my life be blessed as You work and change my life according to your purpose. Thank you Lord for amazing and everlasting love that you give and outpours in me. Your grace is enough and Your the reason why im here breathing and alive. I bring back all the glory, praise, worship and honor to YOU oi YAHWEH.
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