“MY ATE MARY JANE”

“Ate”, is a word that I usually heard from everyone but a word that always come to my mind every time this day, November 1 had come. I don’t usually talk about it especially when people are asking whom I preferring with every time I’m telling them that I used to go the cemetery to see my “ate”. And every time this topic about my ate is brought-out, there is a sadness that comes out within me and it makes me cry in an instant without knowing the reason why I have this feeling. My “ate”, born on January on the year 1984 is the only daughter that my parents have. When she came on this earth, it brings a lot of joy to my parents and even to my eldest brother (kuya mike). After a year, she celebrated her birthday and everybody is happy as the young girl already marks her first year on earth. But after that day, unexpected things happens and she had been diagnosed with measles (tigdas), during that time it is epidemic and brought a lot of pain to families whose family members had died because of it and one of those who died, is none other than my “ate”. It brings a lot of depression and sadness to my parents, the moment my ate succumbed to a epidemic decease such as measles (tigdas). It was on March 1985 that “Mary Jane R. Roda” died and leave this earth and goes back to the creator, my “ate” died at a very young age. After a year, in December 16, 1986 a new born baby with a name of “Dennis” existed on earth. I was born a year after my “ate” died, but since childhood I was told that I have an “ate” and we always come to cemetery on November 1 just to visit her. I don’t know why talking about my “ate” always brings me to the point that I am crying and It brings this sudden sadness. I don’t even have to see her but talking about her is the conversation that I always want to avoid because I know that it will only make me cry. Thinking about things that happen, I realized that the reason why I always become sad and cry every time topics about my “ate” is brought out might be because from the moment I was in the womb of my mother, I felt the sadness that my mother has due to the passing away of my “ate”. Sounds weird but it might be one of the reason why I also feel sad when conversation about her is being made. But as years pass by, I thought this feeling of sadness will gone regarding about my “ate”, but the sad story is it’s not. Instead of disappearance, this sad feeling becomes stronger and stronger that talking about my “ate” brings me to tears. I don’t know why, but something is within me that I always feel this way. As I reflected on this, I realized something about me. I am a person who always long to have an “ate”. I never experience to have an “ate”, within the family all of my siblings are boys and I never had a chance to live a life of having an “ate” or “older sister”. How I wish that I could have an “ate” that I could tell things about myself, things about how I feel and things about my personal life. I don’t know if it right to say that I miss my “ate mary jane” even if I don’t even see her throughout my life, but it might be better to say that “I really want that I have an “ate” and how I wish that she had not died”. Even if I don’t ever have a chance to see my “ate”, I know that I have an “ate” and in the future I will be seeing her again. I thank God that even if I don’t ever met her, God gave me an “ate” and given more ate right now. They might not be my biological “ate’s” but for sure they are the one God had given so that I might have the preview of things that would be if my “ate mary jane” ever live. “In everything, God has a purpose and that is what I’m holding on and I’m entrusting everything to YAHWEH.” Thank You YAHWEH.to You, all the glory, honor and praise.